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Some famous piano quotes & jokes

Definitions:

Piano: A cumbersome piece of furniture found in many homes, where playing it ensures the early departure of unwanted guests. -David W. Barber, The Musician's Dictionary.

Piano: A parlor utensil for subduing the impenitent visitor. It is operated by depressing the keys of the machine and the spirits of the audience. -Ambrose Bierce, American journalist, The Devil's Dictionary.

Piano tuner: A person employed to come into the home, rearrange the furniture, and annoy the cat. The tuner's chief purpose is to ascertain the breaking point of the piano's strings.

Piano Jokes

Have you heard about the musician who leaves a message for his wife: Gone Chopin, [have Liszt], Bach in a Minuet.

Miracle Cure

Doctor Sims has come to see one of her patients in St Mary's Hospital, Copnor, Portsmouth. Louise, the patient has had major surgery to both of her hands.

'Doctor,' says Louise excitedly and dramatically holds up her heavily bandaged hands. 'Will I be able to play the piano when these bandages come off?'

'I don't see why not,' answers Doctor Sims.

'That's strange,' says Louise. 'I wasn't able to play it before.'

Pianist in Tune?

A pianist and singer are rehearsing 'Autumn Leaves' for a concert and the pianist says, 'OK. We will start in G minor and then on the third bar, modulate to B major and go into 5/4. When you get to the bridge, modulate back down to F# minor and alternate a 4/4 bar with a 7/4 bar. On the last A section go into double time and slowly modulate back to G minor.'

The singer answers, 'Crikey, I don't think I can remember all of that.'

The pianist replies, 'Well, that's what you did last time.'

A Familiar Tune?

'Haven't I seen your face before?' Judge Cleary demanded, looking down at the defendant.

'Yes, you have, Your Honour,' the man answered hopefully. 'I gave your son piano lessons last winter.'

'Ah, yes,' recalled Judge Cleary. 'Twenty years!'

Jokes:

What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?

-- A flat minor.

What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

-- A flat major.

Why was the piano invented?

-- So the musician would have a place to put his beer.

The audience at a piano recital was appalled when a telephone rang just off stage. Without missing a note the soloist glanced toward the wings and called, "If that's my agent, tell him I'm working!"

Why did they say that the pianist had fingers like lightning?

-- They never struck the same place twice.

What did they find when they dug up Beethoven's grave?

-- He was decomposing.

Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

-- Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

Bach had 22 kids because he had no stops on his organ.

Q: Imagine a singer, a piano player, a bass player and a drummer sitting around a table. now if you drop a hundred-dollar bill right in the middle and tell them they're free to take it, who's getting it?

A: The piano player. Why? The bass player is too slow, for the singer it's too little money and the drummer didn't get the assignment.

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